When I was in my mid-50’s, mutual friends introduced me to a quiet man. After a year of dating, we became engaged & married a month, later. The first 6 months was the usual adjustment time. Then, the verbal abuse started. There were no red flags during our courtship. I was shocked, this was not the man I dated & fell in love with. I slowly learned verbal abuse was the norm in his family. I was raised in a much different manner. I would leave him for short periods of time. He would make promises & would break those promises. We would attend counseling. After a couple sessions, he would refuse to go back. It was always everyone’s fault. He would not take responsibility for his actions. He lives in a dark pit & was pulling in the pit with him. I had been in that pit before. God rescue from the darkness. I was not going to return. After 6 years of marriage, when my physical & emotional health began to suffer, I left for the last time. As much as I loved him, I could not change him. Only God can. My prayer for him that he will come to know God & found true love.
WHY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS DON’T LEAVE
The story of a courageous friend.
I did not know I was abused.
I had heard the terms battered woman and domestic violence but did not think I fit into those categories because my ex-husband had never put me in the hospital. You see in my mind; battered wives were beaten to within inches of their lives and put in the hospital for their injuries. I now know ALL forms of mental, emotional and physical abuse are domestic violence. The violence usually starts out with some form of control maybe a push here, slap there or forceful manipulation of some kind and eventually grows more and more violent.
During our 6-year marriage my 6’4”, 220-pound husband would go into rages and choke me, punch me, kick me or throw me across the room. I can’t even remember what made him so angry, but it never took much anyway. He would often throw food and drinks across the room, would trap me and not let me out of a room or corner but his favorite method toward the end the was holding me against the wall and choking me. I often had bruises on my neck from him choking me. My life was miserable! After he had forcefully raped me, I started sleeping with a knife under my pillow so I could kill him if he did it again. Our marriage had become so violent, one of us was going to be seriously hurt of killed.
Thankfully God kept us from killing each other and gave me the courage to leave him after he tried to run over me with the truck we owned. I was able to get myself and my 5-year-old son into free counseling for domestic violence victims. While I was in group and individual counseling my son went to child therapy sessions. I am so thankful to God for getting me out of that nightmare and leading me to the counseling services we went to. I had great support from my mom, stepdad and the domestic violence center, otherwise, I would have gone back to him. God has since blessed me with a 17-year marriage of which I was widowed and a current marriage to a wonderful man who treats me like a Queen.
It’s been 31 years since God set me free from that violent marriage and has blessed me with a wonderful Christian marriage. I don’t even recognize the woman I once was because God has done such a wonderful work in my life.